fiery_darts

2006-04-10T20:48:00.000+08:00

today was such a "high" day! woke up bursting with energy; juz wanted to praise God.. which is actually quite surprising cos i couldnt slp last night (took a nap from 530-7.) did quiet time, then waited for the sky to get brighter so tt i could go out and run. the run was soooo refreshing! was very cloudy, and the sun was juz rising through the clouds..the view was magnificent! it was as if i saw God's hand through all these. wanted to do a 15 min run, was it was cold; but as i ran, juz feel like con't on and on..so after the 15 mins, turned to gravier then beazley and back. it was good! reached home ard 7, had to rush slightly to prepare for sch. but was worth it. a gd start to the week!

2006-04-08T11:39:00.000+08:00

i felt so gd yade...the first time i went for cell group since i came here. the feeling of fellowshipping wif other christian was juz refreshing. tho it was a bit wierd at first, cos like most of them dont know us..bt got to talk to afew. then after the word, we had a time of sharing with the person sitting beside us. i'm glad tt i wasn't doing it with mark. (well, at first, i was. then melodie said why dont the two of us do it together, then the two of them can do it. ok!)

as i talked to winnie ydae, i began to see another pserpective of the whole relationship. God knows tt i'm ready for it, tt's y he allowed it to happen again and again. like each time i think tt it's over, it'll come again in double dosage. not a very nice feeling, cos you constantly have to cheack yourself, in a way "no freedom" to do what you really feel like; BUT this will be a test of how much i love God. is He really the first priority - totally irreplaceble?

and i can see that God's really moving in the grp. like as winnie was telling me abt how kelly went all out, and pw and cm got their 1st sheep..it felt so heartwarming..all of them have zhang da le. cant wait to go back and see them! and even for those of you who feel that you've not grown, dont be dishearten; it may juz be the period b4 a spiritual awakening in ur life..like mine kinda last for more than a year b4 i snapped out of it. so con't to persevere and wait on God; and he'll reward for for your faithfullness.

God i pray tt you'll grant me a pure heart in all tt i do...

2006-04-05T20:57:00.000+08:00

for the past few days tt i didn't blog are those days tt i got so caught up with work tt i didn't have time to reflect. n it does affect the way i respond towards things. like today, had econs test, and i was rather -ve abt it. was very affected. partly becoz i wasnt very confident of my ans. lots of it was based on general knowledge, and human geog. and above all these, its fear- tt i wont do as well as i did the last time. expectations from others again.

but thank God i managed to get over it during amath. tananya was asking me how i did, said it was hard. she didnt believe me, cos i'm so "smart". she seriously tt i was juz joking, cos she found it qyte easy. so i started explainig why i found it difficult; and tt was when i managed to come to terms with it. manroy and andrina found it hard too..cos what was tested was rather unexpected.

decide to go kmart after sch with gen and sharlene; to reward myself for all the hard work the past few weeks. as usu, gen got all of us laughing throughout the whole time we were there. esp when we were on the bus.i'm beginning to see the impt of such "jokers" in our lives, albeit how much i prefer to be with serious ppl. lunch was so diff without her today.

thanksgiving pts:
tt i rmbred to write my question no. for eng
ppl like gen - havent laughed like tt 4 a long time
chosen to go for the 2nd round of the multicultural quiz
time spent wif sheryl while we walked.

2006-03-27T21:00:00.000+08:00

stayed back for amnesty meeting to arrange n wrap hampers. learnt n seen so much from it.

1. how diff it can be to make a hamper look like a decent one. you can't juz pack in everything neatly in one direction. there's a certain artistic element involved.

2. in a "discussion on how to wrap the hamper, voices got dangerously louder. no longer listening. juz want you view heard. even ppl like manroy.

3. there's always those less serious ones like ky fung. and bella got qyte irritated with him.

4. what a "normal" younger sister is like - noisy and irritating. somewhat childish. they'll argue back when you're just trying to get the job done.

it has indeed been a long time since i got involved in projects and working in a grp.

2006-03-27T20:19:00.000+08:00

today's a really cool day! both literally and figuratively.

the morning was cold; didnt want to get out of bed- again. i guess this is going to happen more frequently cos winter's approaching. pray tt i'll still be able to get up and out of bed on time everyday! anw, had bio test today, 1st period. tested on 6 chapters: homeostasis, CNS,PNS, brain,endocrine system, drugs. don't really know how to describe my preparation process. was not the least stressed despite knowing that there was lots to study. perhaps because i felt that i knew half of what's tested alrdy (fm sec4) tt's y wasn't too bad. did notes, on the comp. copied and paste the ppt onto word and reorganise the info into a table format, esp for the functions and structure of brain stem, diecephalon, protective structures. then the rest of the info cldn't fit into the table format, so just left it as it is. was qyte messy. cos the info was all over. combined 2 chapters into one set of notes, but not all the info is there, some still in the ppt cos i dunno where to slot it in, others, just too lazy to copy and paste. did 3 set of notes, but only managed to print one out. so basically still studied form ppt (1st round) then the tb(ydae), and finally the revision notes (this morning). as i studied from these sources, i felt tt my notes are not reliable at all. so much missing info. then dunno whether i copy and paste in the correct section. still trying to find a slo to this- making unreliable notes.

the 1st round of studying was on sat, with gen in murdoch library. wanted to print my notes out there, but the comp cldn't open my thumbdrive, so i studied on the comp - notes and e ppt. then went to the pantry. asking gen to explain the make up of the nervous system. there, she talked abt the somatic and autonomic division. half-understood it. at least i made an effort to understand, cos it proved helpful in the test. then ydae, studied frm tb. for some reasons, i decide to study the not very impt parts like eye and ear defects. tt was a major part of today's test. one whole pg on it. and thank God tt tho i felt those sections werent v impt, i studied it seriously; not juz skim through, like what i always do. today, looked through the revision notes, realised tt i better learn how to label the structure of brain, eye, ear. bt particularly the brain, cause i've not paid much attention to it the past few days. ok, so i studied it. and had a last look at the eye prob like myopia and longsightedness. and as she was giging out the paper, i asked qianting one last question: wads aldosterone. all these info was crucial in ans the test questions.

as i recount my preparation process, i see God, pieceing the pieces together, how He guided me through this test. it juz amazing. it's as if you make the pieces of the jig zaw puzzle(studying and making sure you know your facts) and God puts them in the right place.

and during lunch, my bio tcha came up to me, saying "well done angelina, you did very well for the test!" ok...you mean you've finished marking? and what you mean by well. aust standard of well is usu lower than what we'd call well. then she asked, upon 80, how many marks will you be happy with? actually was thinking abt this too after the test, and i told myself, not below 60, actually 65 min, hopefully. n becoz i dunno what her meaning of doing well is, i decided to lower my expectations. so i said 60. you got higher than tt. 65?! even higher than tt. wad..above 70? no right? yup, you've got 71! whoa..tt's high..

i mz say, God's really gracious, juz realised tt i didnt really do this test with him; didn't study it with him. yet throughout the whole process, he was there to guide me.

2006-03-27T20:08:00.000+08:00

this was ydae's entry..couldnt postit cos there was no internet connection..
I so happy today! FINALLY got to church! Woke up at 830. Asked myself church? Nah.to late. Service has already started. Tt was just an excuse. Anw, did bio. Then les asked if I wanted to go to the canningvale market. Ok! So we went. Nothing much really. N had to pay admission fee. Bot home abt 1030. Cont studying bio. Abt 1056 went to my rm, saw this msg from tim goh. Are you coming to church, or have you gone. Tt promptedme to go. Hesitated. Mind was filled with tots. Wanted to replying saying”nope..perhaps next week.” Then I paused. Asked myself, do I really want to go church, if I do, y am I replying this? Searched myself, asked”do you or do you not want to go?” said yes…iwant to! Ok, I’m going! Asked les I he can fetch me to church. Yes, but next time you have to give me earlier notice.
Boy, I’ve never experience the real joy of being able to go to church. It tasted so sweet. So gd to be in church. N I guess today was a breakthrough for me. Mangaged to go even tho “no one else”is going. Heck la, dun care, I want to go and worship God. Other things don’t really matter anymore.

2006-03-25T21:32:00.001+08:00

he Reason I Live
Words and Music by Marty Sampson

INTRO:
Jesus You are the reason I live (Woah)
esus You are the reason I live (Yeah)

VERSE:
When I think of things You've done for me
I know You are the reason I live
And I, I want to know You more each day
God please open my eyes
And show me Your way

CHORUS:
You are the reason I live in this world
You are the One that I want to be like
You are the reason I live in this world
Show me the way to live
I want to be like You

OTHER:
I'll always go Your way
And that will never change
You will be the One for all my days
I'll always go Your way
And that will never change
You will be the One for all of my days

you are the reason i live in this world, Lord pls open my eyes and show me your way.
Jesus you're the reason i live whoa, jesus you are the reason i live,yeah

this two lines struck me as i was listening to the songs. it dawned on me: why shld i care how others view me. so what if i had embarrassed myself? i'm living for God not others. if the embarrassment can be a blessing to others in some way, why not? another thought just came to me, this may be the way of overcoming my pride.

anw, was feeling restless just now, cos havent really exercise for a while. and it was too cold and late to go out and jog. so decided to do some "aerobics" with praise songs. it felt so good k! not just because i get to "exercise" but i felt refreshed with God's promises. think it's really cool that you don't just listen to those songs passively, but to exercise with them as well!

2006-03-25T21:32:00.000+08:00

2006-03-25T17:17:00.000+08:00

i cant believe that i atually wrote and published the last 2 entries. wanted to delete the entries, then decide to delete the whole blog, but the comp hung. God's will maybe.. was in a dilemma, didnt know how i'm going to face ppl. it's not me to make my thoughts and feelings known to everyone. it definitely isn't. but i guess it's time for me to break tt norm. (i bt kat will be so happy when she sees this). anw, tt 2 entries was for you, puiwah. don't have much time n msn, but there's so much i've to tell you. so yup.

i realised smth, every fornight, i'll be in some sort of emotional crisis. like ydae, was thinking abt church again. got sso depressed. i really miss the fellowship in s'pore. but one thing i'm glad is tt i treasured all the time i had in church, tho at times ifelt so sian - have to go for meeting etc, but ultimately i did enjoy myself. today, i said this to gen "i can't wait to go back to s'pore" "are you angelina?!" cos all along i told her tt i'm very fine with my life here, dont really wish to go back to s'pore - flooded with negatively. and instead of coming back to aust feeling recharged, i'll be back drained; emotionally. and i'll be carrying another bag of emotional garbage. at least now, the strings have been cut, there's nothing much i can do. but it's a dif story when i go back. pondered very long over this. and looking at the way things are turning out, i am going back. had been trying to prepare myself for it. but why shld i? God will take care of things. If he wants me to go through certain things, there must be a reason.

talked to sheryl when i came backed. said tt she went to buy jewellry cos she wasn't feeling to happy; not recovering as well as she hopes to. said tt she bought a pendant and a gol necklace for liana, but don't know if she'll keep it well. "o, i'm sure she will" don't deceive yourself...you know what kids are like. "kids" is the word tt she used. told me abt what happened to the other jewellry tt she bought for liana. one got stolen, another got bitten and broke into half, and the rest got packed away. went on to grace. never see her wearing the jewellry tt she has given. "i guess she had too much stuff" talked abt this ornament with a verse on it she she bought for grace, becoz the verse was very suitable for her at tt time. "bet it went to the salvation army" "well, perhaps it has served its purpose already""but i would expect her to keep it" her eyes kinda got watery..hmm.

2006-03-24T20:18:00.000+08:00

i feel so cheated. i finally gathered enough courage to go to church; on my own, without dad. didn't arrange to meet anyone. actually i tried to. called mark but he didn't pick up. so i shall just take it as God's will for me to go on my own; go because i want to worship Him, not because others are going.

actually, tried to run away frm this, to make the decision whether to go today or not. but once i stepped into the hse, sheryl asked if i was going to church. not sure i replied. but ard 650, i made the decision. i shall go because i need to. it has been a long thime since i spent time with God in a youth setting. i can feel myself drying up.

however, when i arrived, the place was quite dark, but got down of les car anyhow. the door was locked, but i could see that there was sb inside. they opened the door for me. think they wanted to ask me do i need help. but i was on the phone, calling mark. and tim. and know what tim said, i'm going home now. What?! going home from tuition. phew. ok, so i know that he's not coming. cld see that they were locking up the place. tim said he'll ask tim loy to pick me up. not very comfortable with tt idea; tt's why i didnt ask him to fetch me in the first place, when his bro asked if i wanted a lift on fri. it's juz so crap. felt stranded, cheated.

i've been trying to tell myself, God has a reason for this. however, i'm not really gotten over it. in fact, not at all. i can't understand why God "don't allow me" to go for youth gathering and i earnestly want to. why?

cos you haven't repented. there are issues that have yet to be settled. i'm sorry, alright.

to put in crudely; y dont you allow me to come into your presence? y cant i find what i did in s'pore? where's my place here? is this a test of my perserverance? maybe. trying to tell me that i can worship you anywhere, anytime, even if it's just me in my rm? yes, i know tt, but i need to fellowship with christians. y? to build each other up! you've seen those ard you. do they? you have certain expectation of christians, have they failed u? look at they person you longed to be with. yes, he may "understand" you and talk at the same frequency; rather, he has the vocab to talk abt God, but look at hs life, is it what you expect it to be. one who is really devoted, won't simply not go to church becoz he's tired.

wow. what a lesson. a lesson taught the hard way. and i guess unless i can get over this, there's no way i'll be moving on.

shld i be publishing this? why not in the first place. there's so much for others to learn from this. make sure that God is the only God in your life. no other small ones. you want to go to him, make sure your heart is pure.

2006-03-23T21:09:00.001+08:00

today was such a cold day! max was 20 degrees! bt didn't wear my jumper till evening when i was abt to go home. chritine offered to send me home, but i told her that i have to get use to the cold, winter will be worse.

i'm feeling quite melacholic now as i'm listening to "slow" songs. i feel like calling . had fire drill today.was very weird, noteven like a drill. everyone was so relaxed. after tt we got back to the ydc. mr fisher address us on directed study. can you believed it, some ppl actually have 4 hrs of directed study/ week. was not to harsh, but he was firm and concise. prefers the way he talks to us as compared to mr meney. meney will go all the way down to our level, but i find that it's a bit too much, too nice. he talks really slowly. anw, he was addressing us on the ball. talked about bringing partners. tot of mark. looked ard him. almost everyine sitting ard him is a girl. sigh. anw, if i really sit down and think about it, i don't think i'll want him as a bf.i'd be embarrassed when i go out with him. he's really comical. not that he wants to me tho. i want a bf. . but i know, at least it's in God's timing, things wil never work out well. i shld have a few failures to have the experince? maybe. but ultimately, God knows the best. will i ever post this up.don't think so.

but seriously, God has been very gracious to me. i've been seeing ppl who literally live their lives for studies. why God? is there nothing else worth living for. studies is their world. once they dont do well, their whole world comes crashing down. i dont know what i can do to help her.

and i can feel it. i'm not really complete without the fellowship of christians.

2006-03-21T20:45:00.000+08:00

another day of God's goodness! had my econs test today about inflation and the multiplier. the preparation for this test was tough. was always facinated by the concept of inflation but could never understand how it happens. got so confused with depreciation of currency leading to imports becoming "dearer" and inflation, which causes imports to become cheaper than domestic goods.
practically spend my whole morning on it. from 4.30-5.30, 730-800 (while i was travelling) , 8.25 to 2..haha. was trying to study and understand the concepts. during physics, we had free time, so got justin to explain. said that we have to view inflation and depreciation of currency as seperate. inflation happens first then depreciation of currency, or at least tt's what he thinks. dont really agree withhim; it wa just a gut feeling. could understand depreciation and inflation seperately, but i what to know what was the link between the two. so after phy, as i walked along the corridor, saw mark in skinner's class. pop by to ask him what was the link. he gave me words of wisdom "inflation leads to depreciation of currency" stopped him, and i left to ponder over that statement during bio. recess. more econs in the library. and like what ky phuong said, econs is common sense, but when you r tested on it its so dificult, cos you think you've studied and know everything, but to reproduced what you've learnt from the textbook is not easy. after recess was econs lesson. was given the time to prepare for our test. so i asked manroy (top econs studdent cum teacher's pet) the link between inflation and depreciation. she said that you have to view them as seperate because...(i got lost). decide to leave it as it is. after looking through textbook got another question: why does printing of more money result in depreciation of currency. is it because supply is greater than demand? andrina said no, you can't explain like this because the "supply and demand" explanation is used for goods and services not money. so i finally understood what manroy and justin was trying to tell me. manroy was quite happy for me, cos i was finally "enlightened". decided to make last minute notes because i find that i'm not really going with the flow of the book. had questions for colgan, but she was busy explaining stuff to andrina. wanted to shoo andrina off..she knows the basic fundamentals, and what she's asking is extra. but i need to ask the basics! o wellz, but i con't with my notes. finally, she finished with andrina, walked around and came to me asking if i ahd any questions. i hesitated. cldn't be bothered to ask already cos i wanted to do my notes and i juz feel that i won't be able to understand it in such a short time. i've already been trying the whole morning...

bt the look on her face was as if she was expecting a question. so i decided to ask about the supply and demand curve which i have absolutely no idea how to read it. the assumption in econs is that if you know how to do the hw, it means that you ahve understood the concepts. bt no. i can ans all the questions without knowing what i'm saying. before she started, i was thinking "there is goes again. don't think i'll ever understand" then i scolded myself; y am i condeming myself even before i try to understand? not understanding once doesn't mean not understanding forever. so i decide to give my full attention. and I SAW the LIGHT! at last i understand how you use the AS/AD curve to show inflation. a small change in real output leads to a large increase in prices. and in a demand pull inflation, you shift the AD curve to the right becuase of an increase in demand = increase in output. for cost push, you shift the AS curve to the right. because high prices lead to a decrease in supply ( can buy less with the same amount of money). at first i got lost and this part, then got her to explain again. and i understood!

i'm so glad that i asked that question, because the exact question came out for the test! and we were tested on the difference and the vaules od CPI and core inflation rate. i'm glad that i opened my mouth and asked when i didn't understand. if i did't, i'd never had heard andrina repeated quoting the values to me, nor would i remember manroy explaining the difference between the 2 inflation rates! i felt as if God had arrange all these such that they all fall into place so nicely. i felt really good about the test, tho there were one or two questions that stumped me. not because i'm confident of doing well (that didn't even cross my mind), but because i did this together with God. and once again, God showed me that as long as you do your best, he'll do the rest!

got back physics and chem test today. actually was quite confident for physics, because i checked working with qianting and we did the same thing. but when i got back my paper, i only got 64% and he wrote a comment " a bit low for this test, but still well done!" erm..ok. is that suppose to be an encouragement, or is the class average really that low. idon't know. but as we go through the answers, i realised that i could get another 4 marks for a question and perhaps another 2 marks for the second part. in the end he gave me 5 more marks. score is now 74%. "that's better" he commented.

chem. wasn't very confident. firstly because it was a calculation paper on moles. secondly each question is worth so many marks and you can just lose them because of one careless mistake. when he gave me my paper, he said " you got a star" was wondering if star = good, or was there another meaning in aust. so i didn't really react. but when i saw my paper, i smiled and he said well done. gen only got a mark lower than me, but he didnt kick up such a big fuss. in my opinion, gen has done a lot better because she wasnt very gd in chem to began with and she has made remarkable improvements. yup..can jeremy kinda left me alone this time :)

2006-03-20T18:10:00.000+08:00

was so tired when i woke up. didnt want to get up, kept snoozing my alarm clock. said this to myself: come on! it's another day to experience God! wake up!. it did have an effect. the effect was amplified when greeted God gd morning! it really makes a difference when you start your day energitically; or at lest make the effort to do so. you're more determined to get up and out of bed and start your day. and by greeting Dad the first thing in the morning,it rminds me to cont my day with God!

b4 sch qianting, gen, shar, bella and i were discussing chem. i realised that i didtn't do exercise 26,27 which supposedly the more important ones in pareparation for the test. not a very good thing. kinda panicked. then reminded myself, no worries! i'll do it together with God! the test was ok... finished right on the dot. did the first question last cos i got stuck, and the question was worth 11 marks! juz as i figured out how to do the question, he said 2 more mins. wanted to juz heck care and take my own time to do. but in the end,i rushed through the paper; each step i did, i was les confident of my ans, because i'll probably make careless mistakes somewhere. got to the last section of the question when he started collecing papers. but he saw that i was still doing so he passed me. didn't know if i had to stop. thank God he allowed me to finsh the paper. realised something about him, he may have very high standards, but he's quite lenient.

and lunch, we were talking about how many test we had this week. "...very stressed" that was the gist of the whole convo. sigh..typical singaporeans. can't take things easy. gen said, you got econs tmr right? "yar." a few of them gave me the "xin ku ni le" look. said to them: the more stressed the situation is, the more exciting life will be! " exciting?! you know what's exciting? it's doing something you like..not tests.." "yar, but precisely because you get so overwhlemed by tests tt's why it's so exciting! cos you know that there's a limit to how much you can do, and you'll start depending on God! and so you're no longer by yourself, cos you have a bigger force out there to help you" and they agreed. no awkward silence
or anything (bearing in mind tt they aren't christians) "

2006-03-18T00:37:00.000+08:00

i finallly see the impt of fellowship. it's true, christian life cant be lived alone. you need to spur each other on. like now, i feel weird tt i'm not surrounded by christians, there's so many things you cant talk abt. and when you share probs with them, there's only so much they cn help you. what i need is sb who can patiently listen, analyse my prob adn tell me what to do. i guess the most suitable person is still God. no one knows me as much as he does. iin fact he know me even better than i know myself. yup! so glad i have the Holy Spirit with me!

do hope that i can be more proactive in finding ways to get to church. my situation now; it depends on who can fetch me to church. and today, i didnt go, cos tim didnt call me. sigh.i cld have call to ask him right?

2006-03-18T00:03:00.000+08:00

so many things just dawned on me today. i getting more pesimistic and sian. like today, we had econs, she rounded up the chapter on inflation, cldn't really understand it yet. and the test is on tues. so felt qyte overwhelmed. then i thought abt phy: didn't had much practice on circular motion. and basically it's too late to do anything now. almost cried.
as i left the class, i saw mark. he wished me the best for physics. wanted to blabber on abt how i havent done much for phy, but stopped as soon as i started. "why am i like that? why is it tt whenever i see sb, i'll start going on and on abt how i havent done this, havent done that. why can't i "proclaim" what i've done right?
this is certainly an area i have to change.

during recess, went to the library. looked at stawa and the explanations. it helped to reinforce my understanding. then during lunch, planned to go straight to the library, to do QT and final studying for phy. but i saw gen and sharlene. decided to go with them, cos i needed to ask sb abt skinner's ans. but decide to leave after sharynna and kristy came back. they were celebrating agnes b'dae. felt left out, why wasnt i invited? even saw henddrick carrying the cake. as i look back, i realise how ugly humana nature can be. fancy getting jealoous over smth like tt. sigh.

phy test was ok. but i didnt havee much time. at first, i was doing very quickly, bt i slowed down after i skipped the 2nd page on graph. guess i lost momentum, and also the aircon was so cold! got very distracted, couldnt focus.

for eng, ms jones got me to read the stage directions for the play, and got me to present 2 pts our grp cam e up wih. was ti becoz she finally know who i am after fun aquatics day?

o yes, so amn y ppl didnt come ydae. one, parents don't allow her to go into the pool, scared tt she'll drown. another, purposely did her make up in such a way tt she looked really pale. o man..i almost wanted to ask her if she was ok, becz she looked really pale.luckily she said it earlier.

2006-03-16T22:54:00.000+08:00

we had fun aquatics day today..it's something like swimming carnival. its so fun! not the least like swimming meet in mg- only the elite swimmers participates in the events ahd the rest juz sit there and cheer. here, everybody participates - there is no such thing as "paiseh". if you don't volunteer, you just lose out on the fun!

the first event was competitive freestyle for the year 12. was hesistating whether i should go - i want to swim, but the seems weird to volunteer yourself. in the end i did. know what! i came in first in my group. there was a huge gap between the second person (jade) and i. she switched to swimming frogstyle. i realised something, here, ppl don't care if you can't really swim, they juz go for the fun of it. even in the competitive, some of them couldn't finish swimming one lap, so they ended up walking the rest.

the next was volleyball. kinda dreaded it, tot that all of us had to play. and i didn't want to play becoz i can't play v well. and the rest seem so pro. saw melissa serve. it didn't go over. however, you don't sense any embarassment. ppl there dont expect you to win. they want you to have fun. alia said this.

wanted to play waterpolo, but didnt get a chance. wellz.

the syncho was good! mandela rocks! ours was complex yet entertaining. very elaborate. ghandi's was simple, but the way they came into formation was soooo cool!

2006-02-19T20:05:00.000+08:00

The o'level results has provided a closure to my secondary school life. But more than that, it was a testimony of faithfulness. Perhaps some of you know about the breakthrough pledge I'd made for my studies- to get a A1 for my combine humanities. Initially, I wanted to write "getting 6 A1s" for my pledge. The reason: secure the lowest L1R5 I can get. If you haven't already realize, my initial pledge is more of fulfilling my own selfish aims, rather than a faith pledge to glorify God. And deep down I know, it’s not difficult for me to get 6 A1, excluding English. The guaranteed sub that I should be getting A1 : Chinese, chem, emath, geog. So yeah, basically, it isn't something impossible.

BUT, to get a A1 for combine humanites, it's like totally crazy. Firstly, humans isn't my strong point, secondly, I can never understand what my teacher is saying in class. Thirdly, I don't know what my mistake is in answering the questions. And for the first half of 2005, I havent been making any improvements at all, instead my marks are actually getting worse.

Thus, when I actually replaced my initial goals of getting 6 A1s with just getting A1 for comb humans, I felt like it just too impossible. I was actually telling myself " you must be crazy to ask for that. Look at the state you're in for comb humans, it'll really be a miracle if you can actually get a A1." But I had my mind set on it; because it's suppose to be a faith goal right? So yeah, I shall exercise some faith. But deep down, I was filled with tones of doubts; I almost wanted to get my breakthrough pledge to change it, cos I felt that I was too much for God to do. I know it sounds stupid, but that's was how I felt. But in the end, I didn't change it. I left it as it is, not because I wanted this to be a testimony, but I wanted to test God, to see if He will really bring about the so-called "miracles" when we exercise faith.

With that as my breakthrough pledge, I know that I would have to work real hard to see the results. I tried - I did extra essays for my teacher to mark. Somehow, there wasn't much improvement at all. And my teacher got quite irritated with me because I kept making the same mistake. (but I didn't know where my mistake was; I couldn't see what's wrong with my answer)

This carried on all the way to prelims and even o's. so many times I wanted to give up. It was just so tempting, I mean like combine humans isn't my only humans, I had full geog as well. And I was much better at that! It makes no sense to focus on trying to improve my comb human when I already had my geog. Even my friends at school were all asking me to put my time into brushing up my geog rather than wasting time on comb humans. So many times I felt so helpless; I was beginning to thinking i am just crazy to keep persisting in something that I know (rather, thought) will end up in nothing. You can go and ask people like Winnie, shiyou, meiping and mary and they can tell you all about my struggles.

The turning point came during hist prelims. There was too much to study for hist, so I was spotting questions. And I focused mainly on China. Got my dad to bombard me with everything he knew about Mao Ze dong and the CCP. The next day, when I saw my paper, I almost cried - God was just so real. Out of the 3 essays, I only knew how to do one – china. Perhaps some of you might be thinking, you mean it's actually a good thing that you only know how to do one out of the 3 questions? YES! Cos this means that I don't have to spend time choosing which question to do, I can just plunge straight into the question on china. And the thing is that, all I had to do was to reproduce all that my dad had said the day before.

Know what?! It's the FIRST time I manage to write a L5 answer that my teacher agree with. Got 21 /25, much better than what I've ever gotten in 2 years. Thus for prelims, I got a B3 for comb humans, but because of moderation, I got A1. And my teacher said this statement that struck me : " the marks that you get after moderation is what we see you getting for your o's". Could this be a sign from God that he is still with me in fulfilling the pledge I've made?

The bigger miracle came in o's - for both social studies and history. In both cases, the questions that came out were based on what I was studying JUST before I entered the exam hall. For social studies, I didn't focus mush on Venice because I know that lots of people will be doing that question, thus I might not score as well if I did that question too. Anyway, as I made my way up to the hall, I asked my friend to recite all that she knew about Venice. She only had time to tell me a small portion of it - the economic factors affecting the rise and fall of Venice. To many, this may not be a good thing, because the political factors are also a major part of the chapter. However, this was good enough for me. Cos that was all I need to know for my exams! God can really turn things around. Imagine if I've heard more from my friend, I'd probably get my factors mixed up and go out of point. Although I didn’t manage to finish my paper, but I came out of the exam hall with the biggest smile you can see - because I did my exam with God and not alone. Same with history, I only looked at my prelims paper because we had to get out of our classes. Something I must clarify, I don't really like to look at work that I've done cos I have this thinking that since it has come out already, it won't come out again. So, it's actually very unusual for me to look at my prelim paper. But I did anyway because I felt that I had to. In the end, the question that came out for o's was so similar to my prelims that all I had to do was to reproduce my essay again!

And now here in aust, I'm struggling too, with English and economics. English here is like the literature in Singapore, and economics is a totally new subject to me. To make things worse, I am a SLOW learner (so stop saying that I'm smart) and I'm expected to perform in each test, because they will form 50% of my end of year exam marks. But I know; just as how God has carried me through my comb humans last year, he'll do so too this year! So wait for my testimony at the end of 2006! ;)

And for those of you doing your 0's this year, remember this: just as how God has done this miracle in my life He can do too in yours! Persevere and you'll see it for youself!

2006-02-02T00:57:00.000+08:00

today was such a hectic day! there was so many last thing things i had to get and people i'm suppose to meet up with. the nj ppl like, GRACE, lynette, cherlynn, deborah, charmaine, yuxin. i'm sorry i did't go down in the end..there was just too many things i had to do. didn't meet hien either..o wellz..we'll talk online then!

met up with xinyi instead, got more views about sharing. talked about esther and evangeline, told her about anna and those times we had shepherding. I must say, she did a really good job in shepherding me, she seemed so pro-ded although she admits that she didn't have any experince at all. and yes, i must say, i'm amazed myself, that i actually stayed so long in hope, considering that i never really had the desire to go to hope at first. but i guess God works everything out for good. n i'm really glad that i'm in hope! dun think i'll ever get to experience wad i went thru in hope. a life that's so close to God; conversing with Him just like any other friend. so cool right?

n i feel so loved by the ppl ard me. many of them gave me a momento of some sort, and what i like abt it is that they all come with a msg!

meiping, amanda, joanna, cherlynn, mary: gave me a miniature room. very exquisite, a meaning behind every item in the room. wonder how much time they spent on it? and thanks for the notebook with the poem and the decription of the room.

shiyou: SEVEN postcards, a bottle of stars, which she had to redo quite a few times because the bottle tapered towards the opening. the photoframe, and the pendant

the whole of ca and cd: msgs for me. it's was really encouraging reading them. never knew that little things can mean so much

katherine: a box full of "goodies". one of them being a rattan heart basket filled with sweets. a kit to help me overcome those down-and-out times. song lyrics to spur me on, me-to-you stuff, and 2 4 pages lng letters.

so once again thanks so much for all your gifts!

i must remember this feeling when my love tank is full and overflowing, so that in those down times i can feed on them.

thank you God for making all these happened.

2006-01-31T21:50:00.000+08:00

ok. shiyou here. not angelina. i'm testing out her first post.